nafas cintaku

:ketidakberdayaan memelukku
erat,
teramat erat

kusadari
betapa harus menanti
sisa waktumu
sisa letihm
sisa hatimu
kau jatuhkan di ujung rinduku

kupungut satu satu
kutaburkan di sudut hati
yang beku
hampir layu

.........
beginikah?
nafas cintaku

utopia

and we start to step
on a cloudy road
let our love light away
keep taking my hands, Sweetheart

:the truth is
I want to have u
all of u
only for me
but,
there’s something I can’t shake
someone else
beside u
spent her life for long time with u

this is my first time
love someone
in an impossible case
and for my first time
I want to do something I called sin
:spending a cup of night with u

only if u happy
only if it good for u
surely,
I’ll be happy, too
looking at u from a far
loving u from outside
no matter what happen to me

i love u

finally i got the answer
finally i find it myself
i love u
yes, i love u
but road is not smooth and clear
my love,
if we keep walking
we should closely standing
because we don't have any map
this new country still dark and pale
play your hand
and colour all street we find
then we'll have a world
a world that shinning hope for u and me
its a worth living world.

after all

deburan ombak itu menghampiriku
riak kecilnya buatku gemetaran

kenapa kau datang
setelah sekian puluh ribu hari kumencari?
setelah hari tak lagi pagi
setelah terlalu banyak peristiwa
karena sauh dilabuhkan
- dengan paksa

inikah permainan hidup?
barangkali aku pun bukan satu-satunya
: madu yang menetes di langit-langitku
milik siapakah?
terlalu manis untuk dibagi! terlalu nikmat!
apakah aku telah merebutnya?
atau,...
perangkap laba-labakah ini?
(oh, betapa teganya aku menduga)

wahai, kehidupan
ke manakah arah angin akan melaju?

sayapku hampir patah, Bella
dan kau genggam aku
tak tahu ke mana arah angin
ku tetap ingin gapai cakrawala
buatmu
masih,...

bagimu
selalu akan ada

because you give me reason to live

tujuh rembulan

sepi ini menyergapku
sedikit nyeri
:tak mengapa

Kau kah itu yang melambaikan tangan
berbalut kecupan fajar yang merekah
menyerbakkan kening hari yang dingin?

tujuh rembulan di langit tadi malam
kuhitung satu satu
dan bintang bersinar amat terang

kumerindukan hembusan angin lembut pada daun gerisik
ah,..
hanya tetes air hujan

bila saja
engkau ada di sini
rembulan itu buatmu dan aku

freedom

I dream about us
I dream about the sun
I dream about the land
......................
......................
I dream about freedom

Oh, freedom...
what does it taste?
What does it feel?
is it nice?
is it sweet?

I wonder if only you could understand
this world is not enough
these are not worth enough
for us

find a new one
or we start to make it!

the next

THIS IS NOT LOVE

sometimes I see your face
flying above that corridor
sometimes I see you walking
across my room , smiling
sometimes my heart beats so strong
remember you

so many times I whispered
so many times I wrote on sky
so many times I sang
... “ miss you so”…

then we spend minutes
days
years,…
oh, only on my mind!

I know it worth enough to spend whole life with you
preparing our book of future
and world so safe and comfort suddenly

with you, only with you
I am willing to touch eternity
( see? and I am counting minutes before we meet, there)

They tell me that I ‘m so, so blind
miss you like this.
(Is this love? Perhaps this is love. No, no, this is not love. It just a glance of a lonesome feeling. Sometimes.)




Hari masih muda ketika kuangkat seorang bocah dengan tangisan yang hampir tak terdengar dan tanpa air mata. Tak ada kata-kata yang bisa mewakili perasaanku saat itu. Hanya sesak di dada. Bagaimana kubisa berkata negeri ini subur dan makmur? Kaki-kaki yang lemas, badan yang tergolek dan hanya terbungkus tulang itu bercerita lebih dari ribuan kata. Di depanmu sawah terbentang luas, Bocah. Dan kau belum pernah berhasil menapakinya dengan kakimu meski usiamu telah lebih sepuluh kali umur jagung di ladangmu Ke manakah sari air susu ibumu? Kemanakah dibawa hasil panen ayahmu? Sekiranya engkau bisa kubawa, sekiranya aku berhak untuk melakukan apa saja untukmu, sekiranya,…. Dan mereka yang berhak atasmu telah berkata ‘tidak’ padaku, pada kami.
Atau kah terlalu alergi pada warna bajuku yang acapkali disandang orang dalam kemunafikan? Tak bolehkah ada hati yang tulus memakainya? Kau tahu, bocah. Kadang aku kelelahan melawan arus yang deras itu. Seolah membawa lilin dalam badai. Teramat berat. Tidakkah kau ingin menggantikanku kelak? Dengan hati yang sama? Aku mengenal kakakmu yang penuh semangat, keluar dari segala jerat. Seperti elang yang gagah. Tiakkah kau ingin mengepakkan sayapmu bersamanya?

Bocah,… Kamu benar-benar seperti anak ayam kelaparan dalam lumbung beras. Seandainya, ya seandainya…



SPRAINED

every time we met
I listened to each word you said
as a santri to his kiai
as a little girl to her grandpa
although I did not understand what you were talking abaout
although you did not know what I was thinking about
although we did not understand a word we were each saying
we could enjoy the silent discussion
then get a deal
yap, our only language was unspoken
: it was love. A strange love, exactly!

beloved

don't ever listen
to anyone who said I never care
don't ever think
you will mislead

can't you see
you've been my guiding angel
only if you know
only if you understand
you give me reason to live
-at second I looked at you

sweet baby

hear your voice:crying
look at your face:crying
so beautiful
so powerful
welcome to this old,old world
how about your journey
have you ever here before?

everyone came to this place with nothing to brought
next,
they will leave this place without anything to bring, too
so what are you looking for
money?
famous?
knowledge?
power?
will it be enough for you?
at one step you will understand
there will be nothing

............................
everything is nothing if you don't have love
inside your heart
welcome, Newborn.

difficult love

a glass of water perhaps enough
pour it into a landscape
I see a flame, hot flame
burning from your heart

it's clear to see
even a fool need no time to guess
as I paint a yellow and red
you scream out loud
- wihtout any sound!
:a tear falling
your eyes,...your eyes
they talk so much

I'll gonna find out
this pallet of your life
take me ride to your love
I know I'll never give up to you
I know I'll never stop

a glass of water
perhaps not enough for me
to subside the fear in me
How can I stop that flame from your heart?

Janvier

Janvier comes to me
brings some flowers
and sends a smile, a pale one

Janvier comes to me
touches my hair and runs away
just like before.
again and again

Janvier, my friend.
a lamb.
cover her heart of loneliness
with a smile, a pale one

Janvier, please come back
I know what you are looking for:
Love.
I give it to you.
as much as you ask.